On 4/15/10 found out i was preg confirmed eptopic 4/20/10 recived metotrexate and on 5/13/10 partial lapros?

The whole experience from the moment I found out was devastating .I have pcos and was always told I would have to have help with fertility.To find out your pregnant and that you baby may or may not be there is sad and if it is still there you could possibly die if not aborted .Which completely goes against me moral christian beliefs is very hard to swallow in one whole sentence on 5/12/10 felt pains in my back the in the l area lots of pressure with the urge to push.I be gain having contractions or what I thought was contractions the back pain brought tears to my eyes and the pain was sharp and piercing I went to the bathroom because I thought I was going to p tissue since I had to be hospitalized due to extreme pain on 4/19/10 on 4/20/10 ended up getting the shot I remember it all so clear the charge nurse was so sweet she said he hated to be the one to have to give me the shot then she told me not to be scared because when she came back she would be in a white suite due to the radioactive material that was being injected to my left and right but check two full syringes off glowing neon yellow liquid that was going to dissolve My precious baby that was a surprise the injection was suppose to be given that night however I received at 8:35 the next day.I felt horrible all kinds of things ran through my mind like I was a murder that I was not worthy to bare a child that at times I questioned why god would do this to me and I know that was a unnatural thought because I know that god is real I could go more in to detail I could probably write a book .I will tell you one thing I was fighting a unseen battle in a very Spirit fill world .God vs devil and It was scary everyone has the different experiences but the truth is when you are weak evil will do everything it can to get you.How ever that experience allowed me to feel what cancer patient receiving large weekly doses feels like and that is a horrible feeling I wish on no one.Needless to say I 'm living and thankfully made it to the hospital.My pain was terrible upon going to the er I waited for 4 hrs mind you I was not bleeding and told them I had an ectopic pregnancy I began bleeding while waiting and continued to report to triage that I was bleeding I t was uncomfortable to sit straight up up i had to lean in the chair when I sat most of this time i was by myself my mom arrived just as they decided to do another transvag mind you I was seeing a doc and they were testing my levels weekly .I had just Been the day before and my level was at 75 which everyone though i WAS IN THE CLEAR not the case I began bleeding internally and was hemmer aging I was put in a major medical room were a dr came in and said I t looks like were are going to have surgery my dr was not here and the scheduled the surgery at 11:00 on the 5/13/10 I was given morphine and other MDS .They removed my right tube the dr said it was the size of a hot dog and it was good that I came in when I did .All I can say is those days will never be forgotten and as i was going into the or room the nurse asked my why I was crying .I told her it was all a surprised and I was suppose to interview with my boss she was flying in from oklahoma to go over the position of area supervisor for the company I work for super cuts.The nurse said that it would all work out and I would be able to share my experience shes right and I will but,the scars are deep and my heart is torn and there is an emptiness that I can actually feel.Post surgery emotion were crazy my body had been violated and I feel alien like everyday gets better my emotions are a roller coaster .Trust in the lord look for the light in the darkness and have people pray for your soul and if you are reading this I completely understand how you feel.i pray that god heals your heart ,mind body and soul .I named my baby after myself Angel Renee Martinez Jr however little did i recently find out I lost two so Victoria Alexandria Martinez is the name of guardian angels.I wish I could help you as though I am still going through this still my self.Jesus loves you and I pray for all whom read this message